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Catfish and Cod
Thursday, July 17, 2003
Outrage of the day: II.
(Link path: Yahoo/AP)

Pat Robertson, the crazy uncle in the attic of the Republican party, has finally attempted spin control on his outrageous remarks of three days ago. Let's see if he's any good at it:

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson said Thursday he was not talking about any particular Supreme Court justices when he asked his television audience to pray that three liberal justices retire.

No, actually, he's terrible at damage control spin. Time for a Catfish & Cod Deep-Fried Fisking.

First, let's go to the videotape!
"One justice is 83 years old, another has cancer, and another has a heart condition. Would it not be possible for God to put it in the minds of these three judges that the time has come to retire?"

That's "not talking about any particular justices" for you. After all, there are seven justices that are 83 years old, and all nine have had surgery for colon cancer, right? Right?


Justice John Paul Stevens was born in 1920 and Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg had colon cancer surgery in 1999. The reference to the third jurist was unclear.

But no one doubted that there was a reference to a third jurist. Now that we've established Robertson's pitiful skill at lying, let's look at the rest of the sad tale:

"I don't care which three, I mean as long as the three conservatives stay on," Robertson told reporters after an event at Regent University, which he leads as president and chancellor. "There's six liberals, so it's up to the Lord.

Only in Robertson World are there three conservatives and six liberals on the Court. According to the Master of CBN, only if you vote 100% along Southern Baptist party lines are you "conservative". If you deviate -- even just a little -- you're a "liberal". And as Ann Coulter knows, liberals are the enemy.

"I'm not telling God what to do," he added. "I'm just saying, 'Lord, help us.'"

I'm not certain, but I think Cardinal Richelieu said something similar. The ayatollahs of Iran would, too, if they were honest.

Robertson, as host of "The 700 Club" on his Christian Broadcasting Network, earlier this month began the 21-day "Operation Supreme Court Freedom."

Because the Supreme Court isn't free until Pat Robertson says it is.

He is asking people to pray to God to change the court after its 6-3 decision in June that decriminalized sodomy.

I'm sorry, Robertson, but God is in the bathtub*.

Robertson said in a letter posted on CBN's Web site that the ruling "has opened the door to homosexual marriage, bigamy, legalized prostitution and even incest."

Homosexual marriage I'll grant, but where did all the rest of that come from? Oh, of course, Genesis 18:16 through 19:29. If your nation deviates even a smidgen from the moral codes of the Isrealites, c. 1100 BC, then you're living in Sodom and Gomorrah.

Is the truth too much to pay for moral clarity? Pat Robertson doesn't think so.

* If you don't grok the link, it's the last paragraph on the page.